I had this illustration come to mind during some prayer time. I originally posted this blog 3 weeks before my life turned upside down. I didn't know at the time exactly what God was teling me…and even still I find myself understanding this more and more each day.
Maybe you can relate…
I was in a tent…the air was heavy and hot. I could smell sweat and the lingering stench of blood penetrating the air. Everything felt dirty and damp and yet so dry and hollow. I could see a soldier sitting on a cot..head in his hands. His hands were calloused and cracked…sweat glistened on the muscles in his arms. He had fought hard and been refined by the battles he had encountered. Maybe even defined. He had been victorious but still carried his scars. He was spiritually tormented and his back was hunched over from the unseen burden of despair. He was exhausted. Absolutely defeated. He wasn't sure how many more battles he could even handle.
Someone else was suddenly in the tent. Maybe there all along; but hiding. As this person emerged from the shadows…seemingly dancing on their seams, I could feel his delight. He was clothed in darkness..total darkness where there was no shape or form except for a hood on his head. He moved quickly and seemed to carry no weight. He slid in behind the soldier and began to rub his shoulders and whisper, “You're wanted. You're wanted by me. You have value. I can make it so you don't fight anymore….you're going through this because of something you've done..”.
Delight dripped from his lips as he condemned the soldier in front of him.
The soldier pulled himself to his feet; taking his burdens with him – even heavier now. As he forced himself out of the tent, he saw the rest of his army around him. He couldn't make sense of all the darkness he felt. They had come off of a victory. Why was he still feeling defeated? As he propelled himself forward, the snickering began. People around him started to tell him that he was a coward…that he was defeated…unwanted. He lamented, "this makes no sense….these are warriors that are supposed to be rallying WITH me…FOR me." Some came up to him and tried to change his clothing…the appearance was what really mattered. It only smeared the dirt that seemed to permeate his skin. He felt like he was suffocating.
He could see the treeline ahead of him and was desperate to reach it. Fear pierced the space in between. What could possibly be in the wilderness? Surely it would only be even darker. Alone. 
As he reached the treeline and burst into this wilderness, he suddenly found himself in full armor. He was refreshed, renewed…replenished. He still felt heaviness on his chest…but he felt strong and empowered. The further he walked into the wilderness, the less he was concerened about the burden of the camp.
Satan loves to put us in a mindset of defeat. The crazy thing is that Satan WANTS us and sees value in us. Before I get a Bible thrown at me, let me explain. He knows that we're already victorious in Christ…that we're free. He wants to entwine the branches of deceit around us so tightly so that we're unable to move. He sees the threat that we possess and is desperate to limit our impact on the world. He has always wanted what he can never have. His future has been sealed in a lake of eternal defeat. He sees the way God looks at us…the love that permeates Christ's soul for US. That the God of the universe would look on the ugliness of all of our sin and STILL find us beautiful. Satan sees the value in us and wants to do everything possible to convince us that we're paupers living outside the Kingdom. He is filled with disgusting delight when we buy into all that nonsense.
The wilderness isn't just where you find yourself when you've done something wrong. It's not always a pit that you dig; but something you can be pushed into or fall into as well. Regardless of how we ended up in the wilderness – it doesn't have to be about wandering aimlessly; but allowing God to show up in miraculous ways to be your sole provision. The further you wander into that wilderness WITH him; the more empowered he is to provide for you in ways that you can't experience in the noise of the world.
Understand this right now – living under a veil of lies isn't conviction; it's condemnation. No child of God's lives in condemnation. Freedom from sin is not earned; it is not fought for; it is not won. Freedom is GIVEN because Christ's blood broke the bondage of hell and turned the condemned into the saved.
Maybe we need to stop figuring out how to escape the Wilderness and start soaking up the fact that God is showing up; time and time again.
It can be pretty hard though, can't it?
