When God Trades Your Agenda For His…Part Two

Read the first part of Wanda's story here.

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For the past week or so, I've felt like God has been giving me a new song to write. First a few chords came to mind…a melody of sorts. Then a few lyrics. “Where do we go from here?” I've mulled over them and prayed over them and tried to make something happen. That's a little habit of mine. I like to fix things. I wanted to be very intentional with Wanda and just LISTEN. Every ounce of my heart knew that she didn't need to be preached at. She didn't need "fixing".  She just needed some love.

 

Wanda asked me what my story was (this made me smile) and I shared some of the crappy things that I've been through. Just the crappy stuff. She just kept shaking her head when I was finished. She asked me, “I'm sorry that your life has been so horrible…I feel like God isn't really good at all.”

 

I smiled and said, “Wanda, I only told you about the hard times or bad things I've encountered. It took me ten minutes. If I were to tell you all the amazing things in my life or all the times where God provided at the last second or someone encouraged me RIGHT when I needed it…we'd have to drive to the tip of Canada and back. The truth is – God IS good. And He's good all the time. He's willing to wade through the garbage in our lives to find the treasure. I know that some times it can FEEL like God's forgotten us or doesn't even know we're here – but it's not truth. He's not only always willing to LISTEN to us, but He actually desires to speak to us.”  I shared some of the miracles that God has done in my life and she was shocked.

 

I pulled into a McDonald's and asked Wanda if I could pray with her. I kept feeling God tug at my heart concerning how Wanda viewed herself. I wasn't totally positive if God was telling this or if common sense says, “she's been through a lot – she probably struggles with not knowing her value.”

Either way, I didn't want to ignore the elephant on my heart.  Wanda told me that she would be okay with me praying for her and asked me if she would need to give me some sort of money afterwards like when she got the blessing paper from the church she went to once.. My instinct was to make some joke, but I figured I'd keep the humor to myself and just smiled and said, “heck no.”

 

While I was praying for Wanda, God downloaded this illustration in my mind – Wanda was standing next to a row of candles and as she walked forward, they fell over and burned out. She was paralyzed by fear and couldn't move forward. She didn't move at all. There were more candles lined up beside her, unlit. She wouldn't move though. When she finally moved forward, not only did the candles not fall but they actually LIT as she passed them. This little picture made no sense to me whatsoever. And I wanted to be very careful about how I shared this with my road trip buddy – I didn't want to freak her out too much.
 

So, I just said – “Hey, when we were praying I kept seeing a little picture in my mind”

 

She said, “Like a movie?!”

 

I smiled and said, “Exactly.”

 

I shared it with her, completely EXPECTING her to just listen and then say – “what the heck does that mean.” Then, of course – I would have to admit that I had no clue whatsoever.

 

Then the weirdest thing happened. Wanda started crying. And not just like the pretty little tear down the cheek. We're talking chin shaking, face twitching, snot falling cry.

 

I felt a little unprepared for this response…so I did the only thing I could think to do – I put my hand on her shoulder and just sat with her.

 

She calmed down after a few minutes and I asked her what she was thinking.  She told me that when she was younger, she lived with her parents in a mobile home. One day when she was playing, she knocked over a display of candles that her mom had kept on the TV stand. She was scared of getting in trouble and ran to her room. By this point, the candles had caught the drapes on fire and within minutes – the whole trailer was up in flames. She not only felt responsible – she was told she was responsible for the loss her parents were feeling. Wanda told me that within a week, she was put into foster care because her parents couldn't provide for her.

 

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

 

That was the only thing running through my mind.

 

Her response was amazing – “Did God actually TELL you about that?!”

 

“Um. Well. Um. Yeah.  I  think God wants you to know…and I mean, REALLY know that those things that happened were NOT an indication of your value or your worth. When you accept HIS love and HIS view of who you are….you're going to be able to move forward. And as you move forward – those candles are going to light. That means…your life is going to bring hope to other people and empower them to feel God's love. Because Wanda, He loves you. He really, really loves you. And when you love someone you can't help but GIVE to them. He loves you so much that He was willing to GIVE His son to pay for OUR mistakes. That way we could have a relationship with Him and not have to pay Him back with anything or earn something. He gave it FREELY. We just have to accept it and give back everything we have in return. Our hurt, our disappointments, our regret, our fear, our mistakes, our hope, our joy, our life and take everything He has in exchange – FREEDOM"

 

We talked some more about all of this and she asked me some really good questions. We talked about what a relationship with God looks like and how it works. We talked about how God just wants US – not some ritualistic, polished fake version that looks impressive – but all the rough edges that He can refine and restore.

 

I was able to pray with Wanda and sit with her as she thanked Jesus for loving her and begged Him to come into her life. We were both bawling. We prayed together again and Wanda said, “Stacie, He must really love me to send me my own freaking invitation. I can't believe I matter enough that He sent you to talk to me.”

Um.

How freaking humbling. God could have sent anyone. He chose me. He allowed me to take the hurt and pain I've felt and use it to glorify Him and tell someone else that HE IS GOOD.

 

Wanda asked me, "Where do we go from here?"  And the obvious answer was Tammy's house.  

We continued on our journey and pretty quickly we were at Tammy's house. I couldn't help wondering if Tammy was really here or if she was a psycho and there was going to be a big fight or what would happen. I was relieved that I wouldn't have to be part of it.  Lame, huh?

 

Then Wanda asked me to come to the door with her and I quickly responded, “Sure!”

 

Inside I groaned out of sheer fear. If I was this scared, Wanda must be peeing her pants.

 

Nope.

 

She was bouncing up and down with excitement.

 

We parked and walked up to the door and knocked.

 

As I was silently asking God what the heck I was supposed to do, the door opened.

 

Her response confirmed that Tammy does in fact exist…

 

The final installment will be posted tomorrow.   It's pretty awesome.